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And that's okay

There was a time in my life when everything felt like it was falling apart. I was going through a rough breakup, trying to manage four classes, and just lost my job. It all hit me at once, and I reached a point where I knew I needed help. Mentally, I was drained. I didn’t know what else to do, so I reached out to a military counselor for support.

The experience itself was...okay. The counselor was there to listen, but honestly, the help felt very "by the book." The sessions had a structured feel, like they were just going through a checklist. The conversation often circled back to medication, as if that was the go-to solution. But that wasn’t what I was looking for at the time. I didn’t need pills or quick fixes. I just needed someone to really listen, to let me speak my truth out loud without interruption or judgment. And while it wasn’t perfect, being given that space to talk things through helped more than I realized at the time. It wasn’t so much the counselor’s words, but hearing myself talk that gave me clarity.

Reading the piece on Healing Justice made me reflect on this whole experience in a different way. The authors talk about healing as something personal, something that can’t be boxed into a one-size-fits-all solution like medication or therapy scripts. Healing Justice is about community-led care, about creating space for people to heal in ways that make sense for them. Looking back, I see how the system I turned to—the military counseling service—was caring, but also limited. It offered a structure but didn’t offer real depth or flexibility. It was like they were trying to put a band-aid on something that needed more than a quick fix.

What I needed, and what Healing Justice speaks to, was more autonomy in my healing. I needed someone to hold space, to listen without rushing to solutions. Healing isn’t just about patching things up—it’s about being seen, heard, and supported in a way that makes you feel whole again. The counselor gave me some of that, but I imagine how much more helpful it could’ve been if it had been more like what Healing Justice advocates for: community-driven, rooted in understanding, and tailored to the actual person sitting in front of you.

In a way, that experience taught me that healing isn’t always going to come from systems or institutions. Sometimes, it’s about finding space to listen to yourself, even when the “experts” don’t seem to get it. Healing is a process, not a prescription. It’s messy, nonlinear, and deeply personal. And that’s okay.

Comments

  1. Thank you for this beautiful post, Paul. I really appreciate the nuance that you bring to this experience--to the ways it helped and also fell short. And also to the knowing what you needed, and the wisdom in making/ finding space to hear your own voice.

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